Black and White

Hello, my name is Terri Perdomo and I am the wife of an alcoholic! (this is where everyone says "we love you Terri", but we can forego that) :). My husband for the first 5 years of our marriage was a raging alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink for 2 years and a few days, and I am so proud of him. He was able to quit cold turkey. Decided one day to give it all up and work for the life he thought we should have. The first 3 months into his sobriety were tough!! He went to AA meetings faithfully 6-7 times a week, but there were times when I would come home from work and he would be wrapped up in a blanket asleep on the couch, and I kept waiting for the hammer to drop. I waited and waited until about 5 months into it, I decided to stop waiting and just move forward.

My husband is a remarkably hard worker when he puts his mind to it. When he says he'll do something, he does it. This has enabled him to go to bars and not drink while others are. The bar at out local Dennys (I know, it's a little bit white-trash), knows that when he comes in, he gets an O'douls. His friends have been amazingly supportive and while he may not go to meetings much anymore, he has and, I believe, will stick to his guns and not drink anymore. He was super strong while his brother lived with us and drank like a fish!!! (I estimated that within 2 months, his brother had spent close to $2,000 on booze!!!!!!)

I won't go into the copious amounts of fights that we had over his drinking, nor about how I had finally made up my mind to leave him 2 days before he went to his first meeting, but life was tough. Granted, I had picked this life when we got married, but I thought, as every girl thinks, that it was going to be easy to "change" him. Who won't change for love, right??? BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! But the last 2 years have been a dream!!! We still argue, but it's no longer hopeless.....

Anyways.....

My husband knows that it is pretty much in black and white that he will never be able to drink again, and he's ok with this.

So.....

He's absolutely flummoxed when it comes to my dieting. For example, I have been making an amazing shake every morning for breakfast. It starts my day off right and is all natural and makes me feel great!! (if you want to know more, just let me know) :) I had to reorder more, but the order will not make it before I have to go without the shake for 1, maybe 2, days. It was just an oversight on my part, yet he has taken this as a clue that I am no longer dieting (by the way, I hate the word 'diet', but for the sake of trying to come up with something new off the top of my head, it will have to do). This morning I got a tlking to about what I needed to do and how I am failing at my diet. He only succeeded in making me want to by a whole box of Twinkies (which I HAVE NOT done). He and I are at an impasse when it comes to my attempts at taking care of my body. He thinks it is so cut and dry, and he sees my attempts as failures and that I am simply not trying hard enough! I am frustrated beyond words with him. Let me stipulate though, that he has never made me feel "fat", he has enjoyed my curves, still calls me sexy, and we have an amazingly 'good time' together (wink wink). He is just worried about my health.

But he is going about it all wrong!!! I love him dearly, but my relationship with food is my battle that I have to come to grips with and once I do that, then it will become black and white, but for right now, we are in the grey.

Just Bend Down and Pick it Up!!!

I need to get this off my chest.... I AM LAZY!!!! My middle name is Procrastinate. Why do something now if I can do it tomorrow? Served me alright in school. Sure I was under the pressure sometimes, but I got good grades, and who doesn't give their best when it's all on the line right??? BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! This lack of motivation has carried over into my adult life and I have learned nothing!!!
I almost missed the due date to send in my husbands papers for his citizenship, I went one year without renewing my drivers license, and that little piece of hotdog that fell on the kitchen floor? Hard as a rock and had an unidentifiable color when I finally swept the floor!!
I have a huge list of New Years Resolutions. I will NOT bore you with all of them, (although I reserve the right to talk about them later) but I am going to chat about one. One that I am so ashamed to admit. I hate bending down to pick things up!! I have, although, gotten very adept at using my toes to pick up a vast array of fallen articles. I will usually kick it out of the way thinking I will pick it up later. ....later usually means very much later.....
so for this New Year I have resolved to pick any and all fallen objects up the minute they touch the floor.... Seems small, minute even, but for me it's a HUGE deal.
I was at the grocery store the other day and a jalapeno fell out of the basket. I did my normal kick it to the side, but remembered my new responsibility and actually bent down and retrieved it!!!! What the heck?? That little act of movement started my day off so completely right! I know I can do this! I got home and actually mopped the floor, when I dropped my comb, I actually bent down and picked it up instead of using my toes..... and the day went on and on....
Now that I am able to reflect on this, it isn't the act of bending down, it's that I am actually following through... This act has helped me clean my kitchen before I go to bed, fix my lunch the day before and so on and so on....
Baby steps is all!!!!