Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Tired of being fat!!

I am soooo tired of being fat. I am tired of going into the store and having to shop off the back of the rack or having to find the "Womens" section. (When did the word "womens" become synonymous with being fat anyways?) I am tired of feeling unsexy and not wholly comfortable in my own skin.

So why don't you change it Terri?? You may ask. And I will slap you in the face!!! It's hard! It sucks! And sometimes it hurts!! I know I don't have anyone to blame for my present condition but myself. I didn't get this way from eating too many veggies. I don't blame my glands. I love food! I love all kinds of food. I love the feel of having my mouth full of something that is inevitably bad for me. I love the feeling of euphoria that comes over me for those precious 5 minutes before the guilt sets in. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am happy, confused, crazy, bewildered, celebrating etc etc. As a child I remember having to buy the sizes with the X's behind the numbers. As a teen it was hard to find clothes that fit and were comfortable (thank heavens I was a teen during the stir-up pants era). And as an adult I really truly am tired of wearing clothes that are ill-fitting because I can't afford to buy from the specialty shops. I want to walk into Old Navy, The Gap, Nordstrom (just to try on), and any other store and be able to buy off the rack!!! That is my goal!!

I am working on it!!!!! But I have said that before too. But I feel as if this latest go-around with the weight loss is different.
#1. I am working out in the morning versus after work so I don't come up with lame excuses to not go to the gym.
#2. I am in WW again and I love working on these small goals of 5lbs and then 10%. They seem much more attainable rather than the 150lbs that I should lose!!
#3. I have a workout buddy and a WW buddy and a blog buddy.
#4. I am truly committed to getting healthy so I can have a baby.
#5. I am actually liking it when I sweat. That way I know I have just worked my arse off.

I'm hoping to add to that list as I try to get off soda and can manage my cravings for sweets.

I know this time around is going to work. I may slip up and fall into a cake every now and then, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!