I was told this weekend that it was time for an update. I guess she was right. Just read my last post and was kind of put off by how much of a downer I was, but I really do want to write my true and real feelings. It is hard for me to truly convey on a keyboard how I really feel.
#1. I am afraid of being completely honest. I am afraid of people (namely family and close friends) judging me. I am not perfect, nor do I expect people to expect me to be, but....
#2. I push the backspace ALOT! Not only am I a horrible speller, but I sometimes feel as if my words are trite and not relevant. I guess my prowess as a typist and writer will improve as I am a more stalwart member of this blog!
I think I am going to start todays post by letting you in on a little secret. .... I once got drunk!!!! Ack! Gasp! For anyone reading this who is thinking "only once"?, let me tell you a few other things. I was raised in a devout LDS (mormon) household. Maybe I should say "normal" mormon household versus devout. We tried, we honestly truly tried. My mom would grind her own wheat for homemade bread, she attempted to make some of my clothes, we went to church every Sunday, my folks attended to their callings and we followed the teachings and doctrines of Jesus Christ. It was a fairly 'normal' upbringing. One that I am truly proud of. I always knew I was loved, I was always kept safe, and I grew up with a knowledge of a loving Father in Heaven. That has always been a comfort to me. So....
Back to me being a drunkard!!!
My husband was a very heavy drinker for the first 5 and 1/2 years of our marriage, and having had the upbringing I had, I knew the dangers of alcohol and knew to stay away from it. Needless to say, there was a hot summer day when Luis and I went to Azteca and I decided to order a margarita. It tasted horrible at first, but with the urging of my fine husband I drank the whole thing and it started to taste heavenly!! It also started to get really warm in the restaurant and I started to get really loud too. One Margarita, you ask? Remember, this was my first taste of anything alcoholic. After the restaurant we went to Bartells where I was still warm and still loud. Luis loves to say "Is it hot in here?" because that was my line all evening until I fell asleep. LOL!! I still chuckle to myself about that whole experience. I will not say that that was my last beverage, but it was my most memorable.
I had kept that as my (Luis was under oath never to tell) dirty little secret until a couple months ago I was at my parents and we were just gabbing about something, maybe we had seen a commercial on t.v, but my dad asked me if I had ever gotten drunk. I proceded to tell them the story and we all had a good laugh over it!
I guess these experiences are just a little glimpse into who I am. I want to be honest no matter what people may think. And even though it wasn't a huge thing for a lot of you out there, it was for me. To actually come clean!!!
So, for future posts, I will be me.....
the me who is stuggling with fertility
the me who is still a mormon girl, but struggling with my relationship with the church
the me who married a Guatemalan
the me who's husband is a recovering alcoholic (17 months to be exact)
the me who is overweight and desperately wants to not be
Sounds like alot of 'me's. But that's what blogging is about right? The chance to say/write anything I want to!!!