Guatemala Girl

Black and White

2012-01-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Terri Perdomo and I am the wife of an alcoholic! (this is where everyone says "we love you Terri", but we can forego that) :). My husband for the first 5 years of our marriage was a raging alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink for 2 years and a few days, and I am so proud of him. He was able to quit cold turkey. Decided one day to give it all up and work for the life he thought we should have. The first 3 months into his sobriety were tough!! He went to AA meetings faithfully 6-7 times a week, but there were times when I would come home from work and he would be wrapped up in a blanket asleep on the couch, and I kept waiting for the hammer to drop. I waited and waited until about 5 months into it, I decided to stop waiting and just move forward.

My husband is a remarkably hard worker when he puts his mind to it. When he says he'll do something, he does it. This has enabled him to go to bars and not drink while others are. The bar at out local Dennys (I know, it's a little bit white-trash), knows that when he comes in, he gets an O'douls. His friends have been amazingly supportive and while he may not go to meetings much anymore, he has and, I believe, will stick to his guns and not drink anymore. He was super strong while his brother lived with us and drank like a fish!!! (I estimated that within 2 months, his brother had spent close to $2,000 on booze!!!!!!)

I won't go into the copious amounts of fights that we had over his drinking, nor about how I had finally made up my mind to leave him 2 days before he went to his first meeting, but life was tough. Granted, I had picked this life when we got married, but I thought, as every girl thinks, that it was going to be easy to "change" him. Who won't change for love, right??? BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! But the last 2 years have been a dream!!! We still argue, but it's no longer hopeless.....

Anyways.....

My husband knows that it is pretty much in black and white that he will never be able to drink again, and he's ok with this.

So.....

He's absolutely flummoxed when it comes to my dieting. For example, I have been making an amazing shake every morning for breakfast. It starts my day off right and is all natural and makes me feel great!! (if you want to know more, just let me know) :) I had to reorder more, but the order will not make it before I have to go without the shake for 1, maybe 2, days. It was just an oversight on my part, yet he has taken this as a clue that I am no longer dieting (by the way, I hate the word 'diet', but for the sake of trying to come up with something new off the top of my head, it will have to do). This morning I got a tlking to about what I needed to do and how I am failing at my diet. He only succeeded in making me want to by a whole box of Twinkies (which I HAVE NOT done). He and I are at an impasse when it comes to my attempts at taking care of my body. He thinks it is so cut and dry, and he sees my attempts as failures and that I am simply not trying hard enough! I am frustrated beyond words with him. Let me stipulate though, that he has never made me feel "fat", he has enjoyed my curves, still calls me sexy, and we have an amazingly 'good time' together (wink wink). He is just worried about my health.

But he is going about it all wrong!!! I love him dearly, but my relationship with food is my battle that I have to come to grips with and once I do that, then it will become black and white, but for right now, we are in the grey.

Just Bend Down and Pick it Up!!!

2012-01-09T14:09:00.000-08:00

I need to get this off my chest.... I AM LAZY!!!! My middle name is Procrastinate. Why do something now if I can do it tomorrow? Served me alright in school. Sure I was under the pressure sometimes, but I got good grades, and who doesn't give their best when it's all on the line right??? BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! This lack of motivation has carried over into my adult life and I have learned nothing!!!
I almost missed the due date to send in my husbands papers for his citizenship, I went one year without renewing my drivers license, and that little piece of hotdog that fell on the kitchen floor? Hard as a rock and had an unidentifiable color when I finally swept the floor!!
I have a huge list of New Years Resolutions. I will NOT bore you with all of them, (although I reserve the right to talk about them later) but I am going to chat about one. One that I am so ashamed to admit. I hate bending down to pick things up!! I have, although, gotten very adept at using my toes to pick up a vast array of fallen articles. I will usually kick it out of the way thinking I will pick it up later. ....later usually means very much later.....
so for this New Year I have resolved to pick any and all fallen objects up the minute they touch the floor.... Seems small, minute even, but for me it's a HUGE deal.
I was at the grocery store the other day and a jalapeno fell out of the basket. I did my normal kick it to the side, but remembered my new responsibility and actually bent down and retrieved it!!!! What the heck?? That little act of movement started my day off so completely right! I know I can do this! I got home and actually mopped the floor, when I dropped my comb, I actually bent down and picked it up instead of using my toes..... and the day went on and on....
Now that I am able to reflect on this, it isn't the act of bending down, it's that I am actually following through... This act has helped me clean my kitchen before I go to bed, fix my lunch the day before and so on and so on....
Baby steps is all!!!!

Tired of being fat!!

2011-07-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am soooo tired of being fat. I am tired of going into the store and having to shop off the back of the rack or having to find the "Womens" section. (When did the word "womens" become synonymous with being fat anyways?) I am tired of feeling unsexy and not wholly comfortable in my own skin.

So why don't you change it Terri?? You may ask. And I will slap you in the face!!! It's hard! It sucks! And sometimes it hurts!! I know I don't have anyone to blame for my present condition but myself. I didn't get this way from eating too many veggies. I don't blame my glands. I love food! I love all kinds of food. I love the feel of having my mouth full of something that is inevitably bad for me. I love the feeling of euphoria that comes over me for those precious 5 minutes before the guilt sets in. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am happy, confused, crazy, bewildered, celebrating etc etc. As a child I remember having to buy the sizes with the X's behind the numbers. As a teen it was hard to find clothes that fit and were comfortable (thank heavens I was a teen during the stir-up pants era). And as an adult I really truly am tired of wearing clothes that are ill-fitting because I can't afford to buy from the specialty shops. I want to walk into Old Navy, The Gap, Nordstrom (just to try on), and any other store and be able to buy off the rack!!! That is my goal!!

I am working on it!!!!! But I have said that before too. But I feel as if this latest go-around with the weight loss is different.
#1. I am working out in the morning versus after work so I don't come up with lame excuses to not go to the gym.
#2. I am in WW again and I love working on these small goals of 5lbs and then 10%. They seem much more attainable rather than the 150lbs that I should lose!!
#3. I have a workout buddy and a WW buddy and a blog buddy.
#4. I am truly committed to getting healthy so I can have a baby.
#5. I am actually liking it when I sweat. That way I know I have just worked my arse off.

I'm hoping to add to that list as I try to get off soda and can manage my cravings for sweets.

I know this time around is going to work. I may slip up and fall into a cake every now and then, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!

2 Perfect Days

2011-05-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

In my past 35 years I have had a lot of bad days, OK days, good days, sad days, happy days, and crazy days, but there have only been 2 perfect days that I think about on those days that I am blue.

#1- Growing up I had an amazing group of girls (there were 6 of us) from church that did everything together. I loved these girls (women now), and treasure each memory. One summer about 2 years before I got married, we decided to get together in Arizona and have a reunion. We hadn't all been together in a while due to college, marriages and children. We had a great time, albeit crazy from my friends baby who had an allergic reaction to neosporine, to blow-ups about where we should eat. Through it all we maintained our good humor, laughed a ton and cried a little!!....But back to my perfect day. My friend Ida and I had driven my parents van into Arizona and we needed to drive it back to my folks and pick up my own car before we trekked on back to Washington. The day we left Arizona was warm and beautiful. We had gone to church earlier and we were just hanging in skirts and flip-flops. About 20 minutes into our drive back, we turned off the AC, rolled down our windows and turned on Bonnie Raitt full blast. We snacked on sunflower seeds and red licorice and just let the wind blow thru our hair. We didn't feel the need to talk, we enjoyed the beautiful desert scenery until the sun went down and there was a nip in the air. That was a day when I let everything slide off the shoulders and let myself have not a care in the world. It was a perfect day!

#2- I really enjoy shopping. I don't have much money, but when there is something I like, want or need, I love to shop and find it. I love window shopping, I love mall shopping and I LOVE Target. But, there are not many people I will go shopping with. I HATE to be hurried, I HATE to feel like I am dragging someone after me and I HATE shopping with my husband (he is too practical). I adore shopping with my mom (we are still on the hunt for the perfect pair of jeans for her long legs). I like shopping with my friend Rachel (we both have weight issues and we can be completely honest with each other), but...
I LOVE shopping with my best friend Amy. One day when I was down doing the daughterly duty and visiting my folks in St. George, I met up with Amy and we hit the town. We had kinda sorta been growing apart (thats what life does) and I wasn't sure how things were going to go. I think we did lunch and then we ended up hanging out in Target for close to 2 hours! We tried on every shoe, we laughed and we made snarky comments about everything! I had a great time and felt like we had really reconnected. I went back to my folks with a smile on my face and a lighter heart. Sounds silly, but it was a perfect day!

Terri

Apples and Oranges

2011-05-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Remember that saying:
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? What a crock!! I think at times I would prefer a stone to harsh words. And words are hardly forgotten.

I remember once as I was struggling at the age of 23 what I wanted to do with my life, I was having an intense discussion with my father in which I felt he was bossing me around. His frustration level was rising and he just blurted, "Why can't you be more like your mother?" A few things about my mom. She is the strongest woman I know. She has reservoirs of strength that rival the oil deposits in Alaska! She is the most determined woman I know, smart, pretty and loyal. When my dad said those words, all fight went out of me and I felt like I just wasn't measuring up to anyones expectations. I grew up with my grandmother always telling me to 'help your mother, she works so hard' and 'your mother is such a terrific person'. Things I never and will never dispute, but....

My mom is great, but I felt like people were not looking at ME! I wasn't my mom!! I never had her drive, and I never really wanted it either. I loved my mom, but felt like people were always wanting me to be like her. She was an apple, and I was an orange!! I never pick up an orange and say "I am so disappointed that you aren't an apple" or "why can't you be more like an apple?" I know that my father wasn't trying to hurt me, and he later apologized, but those words hurt. And since then, I have a deep fear of being compared to everyone else. And as I look back upon my life, I feel like I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that fear. I wasn't a wallflower by any means, but I always had that little niggling in the back of my brain.

And I still do. But with age comes wisdom, and also a 'who gives a crap' attitude. And it's that attitude I am trying to cultivate. I am who I am!! So go suck it!!!
Terri

PS- my relationship with my mother has since become the one I most treasure. As I have gotten older, she has become my best friend. I love her tons!! I'm still not "like" her, but I have worked thru that!

About Time

2011-05-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

I was told this weekend that it was time for an update. I guess she was right. Just read my last post and was kind of put off by how much of a downer I was, but I really do want to write my true and real feelings. It is hard for me to truly convey on a keyboard how I really feel.
#1. I am afraid of being completely honest. I am afraid of people (namely family and close friends) judging me. I am not perfect, nor do I expect people to expect me to be, but....
#2. I push the backspace ALOT! Not only am I a horrible speller, but I sometimes feel as if my words are trite and not relevant. I guess my prowess as a typist and writer will improve as I am a more stalwart member of this blog!

I think I am going to start todays post by letting you in on a little secret. .... I once got drunk!!!! Ack! Gasp! For anyone reading this who is thinking "only once"?, let me tell you a few other things. I was raised in a devout LDS (mormon) household. Maybe I should say "normal" mormon household versus devout. We tried, we honestly truly tried. My mom would grind her own wheat for homemade bread, she attempted to make some of my clothes, we went to church every Sunday, my folks attended to their callings and we followed the teachings and doctrines of Jesus Christ. It was a fairly 'normal' upbringing. One that I am truly proud of. I always knew I was loved, I was always kept safe, and I grew up with a knowledge of a loving Father in Heaven. That has always been a comfort to me. So....

Back to me being a drunkard!!!
My husband was a very heavy drinker for the first 5 and 1/2 years of our marriage, and having had the upbringing I had, I knew the dangers of alcohol and knew to stay away from it. Needless to say, there was a hot summer day when Luis and I went to Azteca and I decided to order a margarita. It tasted horrible at first, but with the urging of my fine husband I drank the whole thing and it started to taste heavenly!! It also started to get really warm in the restaurant and I started to get really loud too. One Margarita, you ask? Remember, this was my first taste of anything alcoholic. After the restaurant we went to Bartells where I was still warm and still loud. Luis loves to say "Is it hot in here?" because that was my line all evening until I fell asleep. LOL!! I still chuckle to myself about that whole experience. I will not say that that was my last beverage, but it was my most memorable.
I had kept that as my (Luis was under oath never to tell) dirty little secret until a couple months ago I was at my parents and we were just gabbing about something, maybe we had seen a commercial on t.v, but my dad asked me if I had ever gotten drunk. I proceded to tell them the story and we all had a good laugh over it!

I guess these experiences are just a little glimpse into who I am. I want to be honest no matter what people may think. And even though it wasn't a huge thing for a lot of you out there, it was for me. To actually come clean!!!

So, for future posts, I will be me.....
the me who is stuggling with fertility
the me who is still a mormon girl, but struggling with my relationship with the church
the me who married a Guatemalan
the me who's husband is a recovering alcoholic (17 months to be exact)
the me who is overweight and desperately wants to not be

Sounds like alot of 'me's. But that's what blogging is about right? The chance to say/write anything I want to!!!
Terri

A Month of Thanks

2010-11-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

Can I tell you that I am really struggling this month? Can I tell you that it has been really hard to find things that I am grateful for? In light of the current living situation at home and startling news from family, I have been through the ringer emotionally.
No worries, Luis and I are going strong and supporting each other through life. He is, by the way celebrating his 11 months of sobriety!! Couldn't be prouder!
My mother-in-laws visit couldn't have gone more sour. She was very hard to get along with and I felt like I tried pretty dang hard! For how cute she is, she is a handful. I understand that she has very little in her life to find joy about, but please, she brought me waaaay down! For the 2 months that she stayed with us, there is very little to talk about. She refused to eat my cooking and pouted when we couldn't go to the casino every weekend! ACK! But that is in the past and right now she is in Florida working on her citizenship. I really hope it works out!
My brother-in-law has been living with us for 3 months now. And in those 3 months he has spent over $2000 in alcohol! It's amazing and disgusting! Every weekend he has a bender and then it takes 2 days of recovery. One good thing is that he doesn't push Luis to drink with him. Luis has said that this has been good medicine for him because he doesn't want to look and act like that when he is 48!
Enough of the complaining already! Sheesh! OK. I got that out of my system and even though I am behind, willtry hard to find something every day to be thankful for!

2010-08-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

The Seattle area is in the throes of a heat wave! It actually has broken records! For those of you not in 'the know', it rarely gets above 80 in the summer and this weekend it has done so! I, although, was stuck in a car with 4 boys and no air conditioning! But if you want to know where any and all DMV's that are open on Saturdays, I'm your gal!

We did make it to the lake though and had a good time swimming. But what I wouldn't give for a nice sandy beach where you don't have to wear shoes and worry about how much duck poop is in the water! I lost my flip-flops twice and I swear something reached for me out of the depths of the green mossy lake bottom! But it cooled us off and we had a fabulous chicken dinner and a great weekend!

I am in the process of getting ready for my mother-in-law. She is coming on Tuesday and I am really looking forward to it. She doesn't speak a lick of English but can make a full meal for 6 out of a red pepper, some rice and a 4 ounce piece of beef! Love that little woman. My husband is a middle child in a family of 12 living children (his mother was with child 22 times), and she is probably the strongest woman I know! No joke! But she at times refuses to bend to social norms, or rather American social norms! For example, I came home from work one day and she had washed her underwear and had hung them up on the bushes outside for all to see!! I just had to smile and give her a big sloppy kiss! In hot weather she goes around with a hand towel on her head, I understand, it keeps her in the shade! She has lived a full life and has always worked hard, so she deserves it!

My husbands interactions with his family are so different from mine. They tell each other what they think without factoring in feelings and at times it can get pretty dicey! But they have each others back all the time! True devotion!

2010-08-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking that instead of catching everything and everyone up, I thought I would start at the present and add snippets here and there!

We have learned to take one day at a time. Good motto to live by. Luis always says, "Today I am not going to drink, tomorrow I will" He says that every day and that tomorrow never comes. I am proud of him and the changes he has made. Don't worry I am not going to make this blog into an homage to Luis, I am just so stinkin' happy!!!

Another awesome thing, Luis has started his own landscaping business. We have bought the tools and the truck and he has a few accounts already in the works. We are saving for a house and a car. Although, right now I am leaning on the car first. We are doing much better financially than we ever have and actually have been able to save!! Amazing!!! That's what banks really are for! Who'da thunk?

New Beginnings

2010-08-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

A year ago this month I was in Guatemala awaiting the birth of the baby girl that was to join our little family. Due to unforseen changes in policy, it sadly didn't work out and I was crushed! I was so hoping to become the mother that I have felt I can be.

But upward and onward.

This year (2010) has been a huge success for the Perdomos. As Luis and I came home from Guatemala, I discovered that we needed to work on a few things to put us on the right path. For those of you who do not know my husband, please don't judge too harshly. He is an alcoholic. There! I said it. Not the most glamorous of titles, but an issue nonetheless. As I visited my parents over the Christmas holidays (I was there a week without Luis), I realized that for us to move on and grow, some things needed to change. Luis was becoming increasingly more volatile and I was becoming increasingly more depressed. His drinking was absolutely out of control. I felt the only way to battle this was to deliver an ultimatum "The booze or me" Amazingly, I didn't have to deliver those words as he tearfully announced to me upon picking me up from the airport, that he was ready for to take the next step....AA! I was completely floored and the very next day looked up meeting times and places. I dropped off a very nervous Luis at his first meeting (he chose an English speaking group). And picked up a markedly different man (still Luis). For 2 months he went to one meeting every day and to this day has been 7 months sober!!!!
The peace that is in our house is amazing. The love I felt that had been lacking has since returned a hundred-fold! He's not perfect, nor is he trying to be perfect but I have found him to be an amazingly strong man and so committed to this sober lifestyle. In return I have committed myself to support him 110%. We have grown as a family unit and can now talk in ways we never could before. I know that Heavenly Father softened his heart. He just goes about it in mysterious ways!!

I have also re-committed myself to this blog. Changes are coming, so please bear with me as I muddle through this process!
Terri

2009-09-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

Well, we are going to have rename this blog. It didn't work out here in Guatemala. Luis and I are going home together empty handed. We consulted a lawyer when we got to Puerto Barrios and he informed us that it was going to be impossible to bring her home. First the baby would have to be placed in an orphanage for a year, during which we would have to spend about 14,000 dollars and at the end of that time, we might not even get the original baby. Then because the US does not aknowledge Guatemalan adoptions, we would not be able to bring her home. I knew coming here that there was that chance, but I wanted to try for it anyways. I am sad that I'm not bringing her with us, but after having met Luis's extended family, I am comforted that she will be looked after. The birth mother is going to keep her and we left all the clothes and supplies that we had brought (except for those few things that I held dear to me). As of today she does not have a name, but she has a full head of black hair and white skin. She was born c-section and weighed in at 7 lbs. even. I took some pictures and plan on displaying them soon. I will be home in my beloved United States in 3 days and can't wait!!!

2009-08-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

On the countdown to baby!! Luis gets into town in 2 days! And I can't wait!! His plane arrives at noon on wednesday. I'm going to pick him up from the airport and then either check into a hotel to drop his stuff off, or come here for lunch! We'll play it by ear:) Then we are off on Thursday to Puerto Barrios where we hope the baby will make her appearance soon after. We are taking a 5 hour bus ride to get there. Last year we went on a double decker and it was very comfy! I just prayed I wouldn't need to use the bathroom! All the buses here have armed escorts and security is pretty tight, but there are frequent stops and sometimes the air conditioning goes off when you go up a hill. I'm just glad that there isn't livestock roaming the aisles.

2009-08-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Here are some funky tidbits about Guatemala
#1- Everything Comes In A Bag!
No joke!! You go to the corner store and you can purchase milk, water and detergent in bags. When you go to the market and want a slurpee, or shaved ice, they put it in...a bag. We`ve been going to the hospital lately to visit Mama Nita and you can buy freshly cut fruit... in a bag. The pineapple is the best!! They sell little homemade popsicles here at the house...in a bag. Mayo also comes... in a bag. Don't ask me why, maybe because it looks better when the people just throw their garbage in the street!
#2- The other day we were driving down a main road and the traffic came to a stop because there was a guy driving a herd of goats across the street. He had a huge whip and when he cracked it, my hairs on my head stood up straight! Indiana Jones has nothing on him. Why goats you ask? For anyone who wants a fresh cup of milk, of course. Haven't tried it and probably won't, warm milk straight from the source doesn't ring my bell.
#3- Pretty much every house has there own little business. Here at the house they sell blended beans, home made popsicles, dried corn for tortillas, and cream. The lady down the street sells soda and this morning the woman selling toilet paper made a timely call at the house. Also, I've seen a lot of people just cooking on the street and selling a meal.
#4-When someone knocks on the door, they usually use either their keys or a coin and it is LOUD!
#5-Driving...that is a whole other story. No one uses their blinker, but the horn is always in working order. Red lights are ignored if they take too long and turning a left from the right lane is a specialty. Two lane roads are sometimes three or even four lanes and the person behind you always needs to get there before you!
All of these things make me love my husbands country even more! I want this little girl to know where she is from and take pride in both the US and Guatemala and I am looking forward to getting more aquainted with this wonderful quirky country!

2009-08-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

We got a little bored this night and just played with the camera. Catherine is a pro at holding the camera, everytime I tried it, I had a triple chin!! Those pics got erased!

2009-08-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Only 10 more days until the baby is due!! Every couple of days I open the suitcase that I packed only for her, to remind myself why I am here! I am finding myself to be increasingly homesick. It is hard to be away from all your comforts of home and those you love. Even something as trivial as a wet towell set me off today. I forgot to bring 2 towells with me; one to wash and one to use. The one I brought was getting a little musty, so I washed it and hung it up to dry, not knowing that we were in store for 2 days straight of rain. Needless to say, my towell is nowhere near to getting dry and so after my shower, I towelled off with my dry washcloth!! Now, I am a big girl, and one arm later, my washcloth was sopping! I had to laugh as I trooped back to the bedroom, hopped over a mound of wet cement and passed the guy building the new bathroom, all while wearing a wet muumuu! Sounds attractive doesn't it?! At least I brought my hairdryer so I could finish the job!! I will never take an indoor bathroom for granted again! Side note: I have to remember to bring my own toilet paper every where as all the public restrooms have none. And it is 2 bucks for a few sqares! I am almost out of my anti-bacterial wipes, so add that to the list, Luis!!

2009-08-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

This morning I decided to tackle the huge pile of dishes in the 'pila'. When I say 'pile' I mean mountain! We do not heat the water to wash, but use a soap that is specially made for cold water washing. The only time I have ever seen water being heated is for soup or coffee, which by the ay, kids start drinking coffee here early. It's not uncommon to see a baby with coffee in it's bottle. Won't see it in my baby's bottle! Anyway, back to the dishes...While I was washing I began to hear a little 'cheep, cheep' noise coming from behind the pila. I thought that maybe the cat had brought a present in the form of a baby bird, but I couldn't find the source of the 'cheeps'. Come to find out that the woman who came to do laundry had a baby chicken in her pocket!! Her neighbor, she said, wasn't taking care of it, so she snagged it. What's funny is that the resident cat here is black and it completely reminded me of Tweety and Sylvester. The chicky is safely esconced in a bucket with a blanket under a collander, but I have seen the cat licking it's lips and plotting! I thought it was so cute, I just had to take it's picture. All day though, it has been cheeping a merry tune and if it doesn't sleep tonight, I am having fried chicky in the morning!!

2009-08-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have a new respect for our healthcare. Yeah, right now it's a little crazy, but go to a foreign country and you will appreciate what we take advantage of. Tonight we went to the hospital to visit Doña Juana, Jennifer and Catherine's grandma. Last week she took a spill outside her Dr.'s office and then another here at the house. Since then she has gone downhill and no longer talks or eats. The doctors believe that she suffers from some brain trauma from the falls. The hospital here only allows visitors on tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday for one hour only and you MUST buy a face mask in order to enter the hospital. They sell them outside the grounds on your way in, I thought that it was a magnificent idea!! She was in a room with 2 other women and it was stifling in there with no real privacy. One of her roomates has been there for 5 years because her family abandoned her, very bleak. Doña Juana, or, Mama 'Nita as I call her was too sleepy to talk and didn't even crack a smile at my dorky attempts to draw out a grin. I feel awful for this whole situation and pray that she either makes a full recovery or at least is not in pain. Her daughter, Gessi, is allowed to go everyday at meal times to help her eat. Last year when I was in the hospital I had my own room, tv, bathroom and Luis was able to stay the night, and I complained the whole time!!! PLeasae keep her in your prayers. Jennifer and I had to ride in the back of the truck to and from the hospital and we counted our lucky stars that it didn't rain, but we brought a bright blue tarp for just in case. Anyways, I have a little under 2 weeks now until Luis gets here and we can go pick up our little bundle! I am too excited!

2009-08-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

Thi is the kitchen where the cats love to wait for any food that is thrown their way. One night Anya said she saw a mouse just sitting on the burner. Turning the light on at night for a midnight snack can be alittle adventurous here, because the cockroaches fly!!

This is the "pila". Alot goes on here! The left side is for washing clothes, the right sde is for the dishes and the middle is always full of tap water to draw from. When I first got here I was not aware of "pila" ettiquette. Never wash your hands in the middle, use the bowls to draw water from the middle sink to wash hands and clothes and dishes. Also, they caution to not drink the water, so there is purified water, which I use to brush my teeth. This morning I washed all my undies and some pants by hand and was amazed that these women can do it all the time. And here I am complaining that at home I had to walk across the parking lot to go to the machines. Luckily, there is plenty of sun today, so they should be dry by tonight.

Speaking of doing the laundry, here's a glimpse. This is the view from the bedroom door. The blue door is the toilet and the other is the shower. And that is Gary who is building a new baño that is wheelchair accessible for the grandma. Everyone is excited at the prospect of flushing toilets and a shower with tile. As of right now, we have to pour a bucket of water down the toilet to flush and there is not much room to manuever! The shower is a little scary too. The water heater is just over your head and it is either scalding or freezing and very tempramental. I'm afraid that one of these days I am going to lose my balance and crash thru the door and onto the patio in all my glory!

2009-08-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Say "hola" to Catherine Cruz. She also loves to hijack my camera. She watches her older sisters kids and disappears for the week, but comes back on Friday full of stories about the kids. She also loves to gab, she could probably talk Bin Laden out of hiding!

2009-08-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

This is Jennifer Cruz, Luis's niece, who has so graciously given up her bed for me. She loves to snatch the camera and take random pictures of her favorite person....herself! And for all you who have an appliance from Sears, and it breaks, you might end up talking to her when you call in for a repair!!! She's great, so be nice!!

2009-08-09T19:45:00.002-07:00

So yesterday we piled a bunch of people in the back of a small truck ad went to a park here in the city. Wait, did I mention taht I was the driver? For all of you who have driven in a foreign country you will appreciate my next statemant. Where do the natives learn how to drive? At Pick a Lane, Any Lane Driving School? At one time I found myself sandwiched between two buses spewing black smoke and a truck whose driver couldn't stop staring at this"gringa" trying to drive in their streets! Meanwhile, the jokers in the back of the truck were merrily screaming "derecha" (right) and "izqierda" (left). But we made it to the park unscathed and had a good day. But on the way back, after we stopped for Piza Hut, it began to rain and I didn't feel so bad for those jokers in the back of the truck huddled under umbrellas! HAHA!

2009-08-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

OK. How funny is this? I just spent about 15 minutes watching professional wrestling with my nieces "abuelita (grandma) Juanita". She doesn't speak a lick of English, but let me know who was "mala" (bad). She was so cute. The family that I am staying with went to a party and we didn't think it was a good idea for me to go, so I am at home with Doña Juanita nervously waiting for people who might come by to buy frijoles, crema or corn. Doña Juanita only has one leg and needs help getting along, so we'll see how that goes. She is going to tap on the wall with her comb if she needs anything. I guess alot of people run little stores out of their houses. Here, they sell beans, corn, popsicles, cream and cheese. So all day long people are knocking on the door asking for various items. Today I went to the market, we needed to buy toilet paper. This market is outdoors and they sell everything from little booths. I accidentally backed in to a booth selling meat, I turned around and was face to face with some sort of animal leg, and the flies were plentiful!!! I am enjoying my time alone as we have had a houseful these last 2 days. Just listening to the neighbors music and the fire crackers which are quite plentiful at all hours of the day!

2009-07-31T15:02:00.000-07:00

Alright, time for the Immodium!! Not too bad, just enough to be annoying. But enough about that. Last night I had my little pity party and am ready for the long haul. Luis and I had a heart to heart and we decided to push his ticket back to the 25th and I am going to wait for him and the baby here! It's hard because they have their schedule here and at times I feel in the way, but they are very kind about it. Last night a woman came to wash clothes. She was at it for hours and worked so hard, wasing and wringing and hanging them up, only to be greeted by rainstorms today. I helped rush out to pluck the exposed clothing off the lines and hang them up under cover. Can't stop the washing for a little rain. Which by the way is not just a little rain. We are getting showers off and on and running to the bathroom is always an experience. Tomorrow I am going to a store they say is a lot like Costco, so I have that to look forward to. And, their cable here plays Law and Order and CSI and ER!!

2009-07-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

When I began this blog, I really wanted it as a documentation, or journal, of this whole experience. I guess that means the good,bad and the ugly. Well, I have a little ugly. Originally, luis's niece (the birth mother) told us she was due August 27th, then she told us she was due July 25th and that was verified by Luis's mom who said that the baby has dropped and that she has been experiencing contractions. Luis and I scrambled to buy a ticket for me and I gave my notice to my job. We planned for me to come down first and stay in Guatemala City to wait for the baby and Luis would come down a week later and then we would be able to start all the legal proceedings. Since we decided to adopt, we knew we would have some responsibility to the birth mother and the baby to make sure both were healthy, so we sent money every week. Not a ton, but enough to live on. On accasion she would call asking for a little extra to cover a doctors appt., and we would gladly send it to her. Just found out yesterday that she is back to her original due date and would like a t.v and dvd player!!!So now I am here early and will have to wait for about a month now until she is born. Luis and I both feel as if we've been played and right now it is unsafe for me to travel by myself to Puerto Barrios (5 hours by bus) so I must stay in Guatemala City. We have decided that Luis will push back his arrival date and will come closer to the due date, since he is an intregal part of the legalities. I have no problem with the tv and dvd player part, but lately I've been feeling a little taken advantage of. Dealing with family is a delicate process and so far we have been playing fair, but it is frustrating when the other party is not. Don't get me wrong, I am just fine here and I am enjoying Luis's ex-sister-in-law and his nieces but I also like my own bed too. Last night it began to rain pretty heavy and as I was lying in bed listening to the rain hit the aluminum roof, I was also thinking that to get to the bathroom I would have to jump some puddles. Sorry if I am complaining, but I miss my husband. I still feel like this is the right thing to be doing and I know that Heavenly Father wants me to be a mother and I know that He will look out for me. I am looking forward to this baby girl and dressing her in all the pink clothes that I have brought!!

2009-07-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

Day two into my Guatemala trip has me reunited with my luggage and living "as the natives do". This morning I woke up to roosters and motorcycles, and heat. Although, its not near as bad as I had thought. I am staying with Luis's nieces and their mom and grandma and grandpa and the occasional stray kitty. Very nice people and very patient as I stumble thru my spanish. (the girls speak fluent english, so it's not too bad) I do think that I have contracted black lung on account of riding in the back of a pick-up truck thru the city next to buses that spew black smoke from the exhaust. And I've learned to pour two buckets of water down the toilet when one just won't get the job done! I took a shower by candle light after killing the biggest cockroach I have ever seen .... Okay, I didn't kill it, but I watched and cheered; hope thats not bad karma!! Overall, I am having a great experience and asof yet, have no news of when this baby girl is going to be born. Luis joins me in a week and hopefully she will be here by then, if not, I'm taking Carla (the birth mom) on a 12 mile run and then 3 hours on the trampoline! Just kidding!

2009-07-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day aboout what kind of mother I am going to make. I began to look back on the wonderful examples of "moms" that I've had in my life and found myself to be truly grateful for some great women in my life. First and foremost is my own mother. She and I have enjoyed a bond that has only strengthened as I've gotten older. When I was younger I did not fully appreciate the sacrifices she undertook for our family, but now I can honestly say she is my best friend. My mom, hates to be in the limelight (for those of you who know her, remember her pictionary dance?) so this posting may embarass her, but oh well!! I was once asked to write about someone I admire and I remember writing about my mom and how she always took the small fork when there were no more big forks so that the kids could have the last big fork. Small thing, I know, but made a lasting impression. Will I be able to relinquish the proverbial "big fork"? I hope so. My mom is an incredibly hard worker and is never one to complain ... much. As a matter of fact, I wish she would complain more!! Whenever I was sick, she was there with the 7-up and saltines (even to this day, when I am sick I think "I want my mommy"). I love her and will be forever grateful to her. Thanks Mom! I have been blessed to have many great examples of motherhood and as I embark on my own journey, I can look back and say thank you to these women who have shown me how to be!

2009-07-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I have 8 more days until I hit the runway. It's going to be one long day. Leave Seattle at 5:30 pm and get into Guatemala City at 10:30 am the next day. I have a super long layover in Houston and have yet to convince my brother and his family to spend the wee morning hours with me in the airport. Today Luis and I spent most of the day looking for suitcases at the Goodwill and Thrift Stores. I am hesitant to borrow any because I am not sure if they will make the return trip. We found a few that will work for us. It's kind of funny to be packing for three. The rest of my week I'm sure will be doing these last minute details. I can't wait to see this little one and say "I'm your mommy". Luis has been getting into it to. Although he is nervous about changing that first diaper. Someone spilled the beans and told him that those first poops are messy and I shared the story that my brother told me about Camille (my oldest niece) and her flying mustard. He's a tad apprehensive! I told him to not fear and I will hold his hand during trial and error!

2009-07-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today is the start of a new adventure! It's my first post on my brand new blog. Please bear with me as I get the kinks ironed out. I am probably the worlds worst/slowest typer and have just barely joined the technology age. Just ask my old roommates how long it took for me to hook up my voicemail on my cell phone (which was about the size of a small volkswagon) A little about what's going on... My husband, Luis, and I have been married for almost 5 years.... Wait, this goes back further than that. I started babysitting at an early age. My sister was born when I was 8, and before there were child labor laws, I was called on by my parents to watch her.... a lot. I'm not complaining, but that is what happens when you are the oldest girl-child. Mom went back to school and I had more responsibility. Mom, before you say anything, remember that this is coming from an 12 years old sense of responsibility when just emptying the dishwasher was the end of the world! So, I began picking up the occasional babysitting job from people from church, then it became a pretty regular thing as I got older. The money wasn't too bad and kept me in clothes and gas money during high school. Needless to say I was pretty busy watching babies, toddlers and those rascally 6 1nd 7 year olds. I realized that I was cut out to do this! I loved the kids! We had fun and I was loving it! Fast forward a few years and I started working as a nanny. Fell in love with each little one I watched over, I got married and we started dreaming of the family we would have one day. Needless to say, it is not too be. Various issues of the female kind have kept us from joining the ranks of new parents.
One day in february of this year, Luis got a call. His neice in Guatemala had been involved in a drive by shooting. She was ok, but found out she was pregnant. Casually, Luis said (in spanish) "why don't we take it?" to the person on the phone. My spanish is limited, but I can get the gist of a conversation. One minute after he hung up the phone, I said "no way, we live in a tiny apartment, money is tight" 5 minutes after that, I said "well, maybe" 5 minutes after that, I said "we could put the crib here" I was hooked and we started looking into it. His niece cannot care for it and the rest of the family isn't willing, so have jumped on this bandwagon!! 3 months ago we found out that "it" is a girl and have bought everything in pink, pink and more pink. And now I am days away from flying down to Gyatemala city. She is not born yet, and right now adoption laws and regulations between the US and Guatemala are tricky, so I am gearing up for a long stay. But I am coming home with her.